Keep on Rollin....

Hello Ladies!! It’s been a while, and I finally want to write about somethings, except my mind is still swimming with ideas, thoughts and just trying to make sense of things, but here we go!

I finally graduated!!! That was exciting and fun and a wonderful time with my family and boyfriends family! I also finally got my diploma in the mail!! Since I took a summer class they sent them out later, I told my parents to put it in a very nice frame we got from a family friend. It’s crazy being here in this college town and not going to college, while all my friends do. But I really don’t miss the homework, or stress of studying or reading boring books. I wish I could learn more about the topics I took, but without all the homework.

I’ve had a nice summer, I was able to go home for a few weeks and spend time with my family and my little nephew! That alone was wonderful, then my family rents a cottage by the water ever summer and I went out there for a week and my boyfriend came out to visit! Which made the time and trip even more special! He’s a great man and I was so happy that he got along great with my family, helped out, enjoyed the trip into town and didn’t get drunk! He was respectful and had a lot of fun at a place that I love. 

When I got back here I asked him if he wanted to move in together. My lease is up the end of this month and I know he wanted to move out also, so why not take our relationship to the next level and move in! I hated only seeing him on the weekends, and really missed him when I went home! So we’re moving in next month and I’m so excited! it’s not a cool, exciting place to live because there aren’t a lot in my town, just generic apartment complexes all over. But it’s got a pool, gym, a game room and access to a lot of things which is good for us. 

I’m also starting two new jobs!! At the same time so it’s going to be a little interesting to get back into working retail and helping customers, it’s been a while for me! But they’re cool jobs that I know I’ll do great with so I’m not too worried. 

Before I left to visit home, my roommate Tiffany and I talked and we went to dinner one night, we were fine until she asked me why I was mad at her. I told her it was because she said I changed and didn’t like my boyfriend. She went on to still believe that my boyfriend might be abusive......he’s told me that he, while drunk with an ex, also drunk, got upset because his dog got loose and to get out of the closet pushed his ex and she fell into a laundry basket. She flipped out and soon after they broke up. Well I fully understand that being in an abusive relationship whether verbally, mentally or physically is WRONG and you should NEVER be in those situations because you DESERVE better. I also understand that when people are in a toxic relationship, if you’re an alcoholic, take drugs for depression or bipolar disorder, are a drug addict or any of those, when you are fighting with them things could get messy. My cousin was dating a crazy chick years ago and they got into a fight and he pushed her down a flight of stairs...... does that make him abusive? Does that mean he’ll do it again?? If he’s in a toxic relationship with someone who’s crazy and needs to get help for things yes, but he’s never done it since and now he’s happily married with two children.

 I understand this and I’m not taking drugs for anything, I don’t have any mental demons haunting me, so my boyfriend and I will NEVER be in that situation! Tiffany doesn’t understand that and it hurts me that she doesn't trust me or even care to get to know my boyfriend (Her cousin) better! She also said that I wouldn’t “Buck up” like his other girlfriends, like I said I wouldn’t be in that situation to begin with to cause that issue. So we’re talking conversantly, but I’m in no way telling her anything personal about my life because she doesn’t care.

Now, she has ‘broken up’ with her boyfriend and is already seeing a new man, while still sleeping in the same bed as her ex. They have a pretty fucked up idea of what breaking up means when you live together. They’re two very nice couches here in the living room that one of them can sleep on! I am glad that she’s taking a stand and not putting up with his bullshit anymore, and that he’ll finally get some help. The funny thing about this whole thing is that Tiffany is telling me all this great stuff about this new man and how he treats her well and blah blah blah...... which is how I felt when I started dating my boyfriend except she didn’t care to hear, because all she wanted to tell me was how she heard these things about him and shit. So clearly it’s all about her and her new man, while her ex and new man don’t know anything about each other. It’s beyond ridiculous and still is so fucked up how we treated each other but how she thought I was mad at her.... how can you forget why we didn’t speak for four months!?! REALLY!!! After I move out, I don’t think I’ll talk to her that much, although she wants to go on a double date with us and her new man, but I’m going to be civil to her at family events and if she ever really wants to talk about what happened then I’m willing to talk.

So I’m looking forward to moving out, having a peaceful and zen new apartment with my boyfriend! I can’t believe we’ve been dating for almost a year! It’s crazy how things have changed with myself and where I am in my life. I love him so much and appreciate all the things he does for me! He may not buy me flowers all the time or take me out to nice restaurants, but when he does show me how much he loves me it’s grand gestures of love. Cute unique ways that I really love and adore that he does. I know that we’re two people looking for someone to love and be with, which happens to be each other. 

My old teacher in High School would always tell me that the man I fall in love with might not be in my home town he might be from out West or Europe! So coming South for school and finding him through my now ‘ex-bestfriend’ is fate! I thought coming to school here would help my professional career, and school would be great... well school ended up being great for the few professors and amazing classes I took, and my career is dwindling down or moving to other states, so I’m glad coming here has given me a great boyfriend and a new direction in which to travel.

So now I feel better because I got down most of what I wanted to say, my improvements and also bumps from Tiffany that still gnaw at me sometimes. I feel like the person I was when we where best friends was the old me, the single, carefree girl who wasn’t in love with a man, or was thinking about my future. I’ve matured so much since dating my boyfriend and I know that we can still be silly goofballs, but I’m not going downtown to meet guys or dance with them. I have a man and we can go out and do adult fun things together! :) 

Change is good for all of us, I know sometimes is hard, I’ve hated change in the past and I probably will in the future; but we have to learn from the change and continue to be someone who you’re happy and proud to be. I’m glad I’m at this point in my life with who I am, part of me wants to live like the women in Sex and the City and dress up and go to swanky bars, but we really don’t have places like that, so I’ll have to wait until I move back home for that! haha. You just have to be with the people who make you happy, who build you up and who REALLY care and love you. I know that I have a small group of people who get me and love me, but I’m happy with who they are.  

LOVE,

V.S <3

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

     Respect, a word that has a lot of meaning and one that I hold very highly. I usually trust people until they show me otherwise, sometimes I didn’t respect people from a young age because they have never shown me respect. Then at the same time that makes me a threat, and I like that at times. I don’t like people who don’t respect themselves, cause I don’t respect them either, I know this can be quite rude but it’s a logical thing to me. 

   I have a girl in my class now and she doesn’t respect anyone, the teacher, her class mates, and she never takes responsibility for what she does. It’s very frustrating because I love the class and I respect the teacher! It’s ignorant people like her that I don’t care about and don’t respect. If you take responsibility for the things you do and say that’s all I care about and would respect you more. 

     I believe Respect has a lot to do with who you’re role models are, thankfully I’ve had role models who are wonderful women to look up to! When I was younger I loved Hilary Duff and Natalie Portman, then it’s evolved into Cheryl Cole, Lea Michele, Pink, Kate Winslet, Reese Witherspoon, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, and maybe a few who have gone under the radar. I still love the women who’ve encouraged me through my youth and have only grown with the women I love and admire. :) I love them all and highly respect women like them who are real women, who stand up for themselves and what they love. 

       As you know I'm not talking to my roommates, I also have lost my respect for the both of them. Unfortunately now I have to live with her inconsiderate, childish self who only likes people who pay attention to her, - that’s because she’s grown up in the pageant world and she’s used to people fawning over her-. Well i’m not putting up with that bull--- anymore! I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 31 we’re to old to be putting up with naive bull--, their negative energy, poor idea of living, since a 'little dust and dirt’ never did anyone harm right?! I don’t want my apt to stink like 10 reptiles, then have dirty floors on top of that. EW NO WAY!

     SO since i’m graduating in a few days, I’ve decided to be the best version of myself, eating healthy, washing my face, keeping my hair healthy, working out, going for walks to clear my mind and go after my dreams. :) I have beautiful role models but the best ones are the ones in my life. My mom, sister, aunts, my beautiful bellydancing ladies. My three girlfriends I had in London who really embraced me and gave me the groundwork on how to be a great friend and who a great friend is. I have my three girlfriends here who I also can be myself with and encourage me to be me. Then there’s my boyfriend who pushes me each day to do great in school and he can’t wait to see me graduate, he loves me for who I am and supports me when I have doubts and bad juju roommates. I have these wonderful women and men to help me go forth into the world and not be afraid of anything! :) I can’t be happier with my life and the beautiful collection of people in it.

Now I'll have more time to finally concentrate on writing with the free time I have! Which is exciting and makes me happy, although I know I have to get a job and continue to push to get my dreams. I respect myself to do what makes me happy and surround myself with positive role models and people who build me up!!!

"Break-ups hurt, but loosing someone who doesn't respect you and appreciate you, is actually a gain, not a loss." 

Do what makes you happy with the people who love and respect you!!

V.S.<3

The Change that was bound to happen...

       Roommates, it’s a hard line to cross. You either meet online and don’t really know the person, are put together in college and try to make something like a friendship work, or you’re best friends. Well as you all know I’m living with my best friend, Tiffany and her boyfriend and I thought it would be great, I mean I hung out with her almost everyday last year and we were such close friends. That all changed when I started dating her cousin, and her boyfriend got intoxicated, causing problems. Then I went home for the holiday’s and didn’t really talk to her that often, I’m back but I’ve been staying at my boyfriends during the weekends. Which has definitely put a strain on our relationship.

           I didn’t even see the "change" or problem, until she pointed it out to me. It’s really hard now, because she said since I’ve been seeing my boyfriend, her cousin, that we haven’t really hung out so she’s leaning on her boyfriend/ ex-boyfriend more. Excuse me but how is that my fault, we both had really busy school/work schedules last semester and it was hard on us and this semester is not any better; but the fact that you are “Broken-up” with your boyfriend means you can do a lot of things Independently!  That’s one thing I’ve learned from being single for the past 10 years of my life and having shitty friends is that you can do a lot of things on your own, and they’re quite nice to do alone. I know at the same time it is horribly lonely, and you wish you had someone to share it with. I just wish she made more  of an effort, she can still text me, she can still ask me to have dinner with her some night. She relies so much on her boyfriend and maybe since we haven’t hung out that I’ve created the monster and she is back to being best friends with her ‘boyfriend’. I really have no clue on how their relationship is, all I need to know is what’s up her ass when it comes to me. I’m finally really freaking happy in my life and she’s tried numerous times to freaking change that and it’s annoying and unfortunate because that’s not what friends do. 

     I’ve loved the TV show The Hills since it’s been out, It’s my guilty pleasure and I love watching it because I’ve actually learned a lot of great love/ life advice. I think it’s great because Lauren Conrad is your beautiful, down to earth heroin while everyone else besides Whitney Port are just there causing problems. I have learned never choose a guy over a terrific job opportunity; like Heidi did with Spencer. I’ve learned to never date a dick-head like Spenser who’s controlling, annoying, a douche bag and a bad guy. I have also should have seen that I should never have moved in with my best friend. Heidi chose Spenser to date, be with, and hastily move in with instead of her girlfriend Lauren because Spenser clouded her mind with hateful things about her. Lauren knew Spenser was a jerk and not a good guy but Heidi believed him and not her. In my situation right now I don’t know who I am, am I Heidi for spending the weekend and maybe a night during the week with my boyfriend? Am I Lauren for trying to help my roommate get out of a bad relationship with her ‘boyfriend’? I feel like at times I am Lauren for trying to help my friend see that her ‘boyfriend’ is a lousy guy, yes they might be ‘best friends’ and never let that go but they’re both not good for each other. Then I feel like Heidi for leaving Lauren all the time and going to hang out with my boyfriend; but Tiffany's  ‘boyfriend’ is always here, it’s not like he goes out and does anything for himself he just stay’s here and is a sad pathetic person. Who is in no way helping his drinking problems because he just bought three bottles of Rum and Vodka.

     It’s hard because we haven’t really had a conversation since I’ve been back from holiday and they have conversations about whatever and take care of their reptiles all the time, that I feel like I’m just there and they’re just being assholes. We had a huge blow out too, when I was annoyed because she had this problem with me, but wouldn't tell me, so I tried to talk about it. Then noticed that when I was in the living room and they would come home, they wouldn't talk to me, they would have a full conversation between themselves, like I wasn't in the same room as them. I texted her to see what was going on, and she didn't get back to me, then she said that I've been busy and didn't seem like we were friends anymore but rather roommates. So I wanted to confront her about it (which I'm not good at sometimes) That Monday when she came home, thankfully alone, I went to talk to her and she said she had not time to talk to me because she was busy packing for spring break, she didn't have time to talk or fix our relationship. So am I suppose to wait until she got back to figure it out? Well again she told me I've changed, and I don't go downtown anymore, blah blah blah. Then we didn't really solve anything, I finished eating, took a break to think things out then when back in. We yelled at each other, and basically the whole problem she has with my is with my boyfriend! It's all his fault and non of hers, she said that he's 'controlling' because she's heard it from her mother. I told her she know's nothing about him, and she should create a grown up relationship with him. But no she can't do that. She's the one in a controlling, abusive relationship and isn't in a healthy supportive, loving relationship like I am. This happened the last week of Feburary. 

       It’s funny because I try to be the bigger person since I’m not talking to my roommates, I decided to take my father’s advice and say hello to my “friend” and I have a few times, except tonight I walked into my apartment and they were both sitting on the couch watching TV and they didn’t say anything to me, and I realized that I always said hi to them first, they’ve never made any attempt to talk to me. So I’m not going to talk with them, the ball is in their court and I really don’t care. I feel bad because we were so close Tiffany and I, but now we’ve said too many things and we both don’t like each other’s boyfriends so it’s not going to work because she’s going to stay in her controlling relationship and I’ll be happy and successful in mine. I don’t have more remorse over us not being friends anymore. The only time’s i’ve been upset was when she hurt my feelings and when she was making me feel bad for not know what her problem was. It hurt me that she had problems and told me except she  it was always like it was my problem, that i’ve changed, it was questioned if my boyfriend was nice to me,  always ‘cautioning’ me to what I’m doing and she probably wanted to control me and keep me into her and not him. 

    They will probably end up staying together because she feels like she needs to ‘fix’ her boyfriend while I don’t feel the need to ‘fix’ my boyfriend at all, just try to help him eat healthier. She’s going to be in the same situation as her brother and sister-in-law because when her boyfriend gets drunk and treats her like shit or goes out and does something stupid she’ll try to help him but it’s only going to painful for her and not him, cause he won’t remember it. Convenient for him not her; or she can be in the relationship longer then realize that she’s so unhappy when it’s too late and they have to get a nasty divorce. I’m not sure what’ll happen and as soon as I move out and continue on with my life, I don’t care. 

    I really have to thank my family, and boyfriend who support me 100% in my decisions of dealing with this huge falling out and it turned to be quite vicious between the three of us, texting and then  allegedly making me think that I did something, when I really didn’t. Now we’re not talking, clearly not at all if I don’t say anything first.  I hate writing about negative things like this but I have to in order for me to forget about it. I’m going to graduate and move forward being the best version of myself.

“Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.” 

Love Always!

Virgin Supergirl

New Year

     As the new year begins I look back at the past year that has changed my life  immensely, in both bad and good ways. I have grown so much in 2013 and I’ve felt that I’ve done a complete renovation of myself, soul and mind. Upon my 25th birthday that just passed I’m looking back on all that’s happened to me and I’m completely happy in who I am as a woman and I’ve had so much clarity in my life. 

     I started 2013 with  loosing my Virginity, and I was so upset and distraught, although I wasn’t depressed and didn’t cry too much about it, it still bothered me. I sought help from my school therapist and tried through music to move on. I hung out with a few guys between that and my Ex, but I wasn’t looking for them. Those  guys weren’t men, they weren’t looking for a serious relationship, just a booty call. Which you know, I don’t want, they were insecure men who didn’t know how to handle me and I really didn’t like them. Then I met my Ex and thought he was pretty cool... his exterior was cool, the way he dressed his “nice” car... it looked all good on paper but not in real life. He was a horrible boyfriend in the way that, he didn’t treat me with respect, he didn’t like me enough and he didn’t treat me like I deserve to be treated, which is like a princess. 

     Now I’m dating a terrific guy, a sexy, sweet, funny guy who really makes me feel beautiful and  treats me like a Princess. There’s so many things I love about him and that he does for me it’s hard for me to list them all. One thing he did was since I stayed at school for my birthday he set up a surprise birthday party for me. He blindfolded me, drove to the the place which was a restaurant we’ve never eaten at and invited a few friends and his family. It was a wonderful surprise and I’ve never had one before, he also took the day off from work to spend the day with me, which was beautiful.  He loves me so much and so deep that I can’t believe it; and having someone love me that much makes me happy. I love him too and I show him in small ways, by sending pictures of  what I’m doing, leaving him notes on his bed so when he gets home from work he can read them. I  got him so many gifts to give him for Christmas  that I’m so excited to give them, and they’re creative thoughtful gifts to give someone. I can’t believe I found someone who loves me for me and thinks I’m the best thing to happen in his life. 

     I never thought I would find a guy, that it would happen. I know I’m young  but they’ve been so many mishaps that I was getting worried. I mean after I broke- up with my ex I was kind of looking forward to being single again, but I also was worried about finding a good guy. Going on dates with jerks one after another is annoying and  especially in my town, it’s full of non-committal men. I also haven’t met anyone at my school that’s been amazing or worth pursuing, even as a friend. So when my boyfriend first asked me out, it wasn’t even like I thought twice about it, we talked all the time and it felt right and it was a very smooth transition between my ex and him. I  really think it was because I was in a good place with myself and I knew what I didn’t want from my next boyfriend. Then he came in and looks like a bad guy, with a shaved head and tattoos, but he’s the sweetest biggest teddy bear in the world. I realized this by his smile and laugh, he jokes around a lot and is very silly, I just needed to get to know him better, other then his tough exterior.  

       I also have been really healthy, and have a loving family that supports me and wants me to succeed, along with some wonderful friends and professors who look out for me. My professors have all shown me that I am creative, smart, funny and I have a lot to offer to the world and the people in my life. This encouragement is wonderful to have especially in your twenties and when you’re brain is all over with what you’re parents want you to do, what you want to do, what your friends want you to do. It’s all a huge confusion and you can get overwhelmed. Which I did and I sought help from my therapist and my one professor who’s now my mentor. He’s such a brilliant man and encourages me to keep writing and exploring new things that make me happy. I am motivated to do them and enjoy my life to the fullest. 

     So in 2014 I’m not going to set any goals or resolutions... I never do anyway, but I really want to just enjoy life in the moment with my boyfriend, friends, family and in my classes. I do want to figure out I’m going to do after I graduate but I don’t want to stress about it. I have some options in mind but I don’t want to say I’m going to do something then never fill it. I also want this wonderful blog to grow and encourage other girls to believe in themselves and love themselves. I love writing and even though I don’t do it all the time, or finish some books I’m writing I still love getting that feeling or encouragement to write and It feels great to have that outlet. 

      I hope to the lades reading this that you are feeling better in who  you are as a woman and that through my struggles, life experiences and  great moments you can embrace who you are and go on each day not giving a crap about anyone but yourself. I want you to know that through all that’s happened in this past year I’ve grown tremendously and have seen that my life and the people in it make me happy and I’m much stronger and smarter then I thought I was. I look forward to the future with hope, love and a “Bring it on” mentality. I know I can do anything I just have to go out and grab it. 

  XOXO 

Love Always,

     Virgin Supergirl.