Keep on Rollin....

Hello Ladies!! It’s been a while, and I finally want to write about somethings, except my mind is still swimming with ideas, thoughts and just trying to make sense of things, but here we go!

I finally graduated!!! That was exciting and fun and a wonderful time with my family and boyfriends family! I also finally got my diploma in the mail!! Since I took a summer class they sent them out later, I told my parents to put it in a very nice frame we got from a family friend. It’s crazy being here in this college town and not going to college, while all my friends do. But I really don’t miss the homework, or stress of studying or reading boring books. I wish I could learn more about the topics I took, but without all the homework.

I’ve had a nice summer, I was able to go home for a few weeks and spend time with my family and my little nephew! That alone was wonderful, then my family rents a cottage by the water ever summer and I went out there for a week and my boyfriend came out to visit! Which made the time and trip even more special! He’s a great man and I was so happy that he got along great with my family, helped out, enjoyed the trip into town and didn’t get drunk! He was respectful and had a lot of fun at a place that I love. 

When I got back here I asked him if he wanted to move in together. My lease is up the end of this month and I know he wanted to move out also, so why not take our relationship to the next level and move in! I hated only seeing him on the weekends, and really missed him when I went home! So we’re moving in next month and I’m so excited! it’s not a cool, exciting place to live because there aren’t a lot in my town, just generic apartment complexes all over. But it’s got a pool, gym, a game room and access to a lot of things which is good for us. 

I’m also starting two new jobs!! At the same time so it’s going to be a little interesting to get back into working retail and helping customers, it’s been a while for me! But they’re cool jobs that I know I’ll do great with so I’m not too worried. 

Before I left to visit home, my roommate Tiffany and I talked and we went to dinner one night, we were fine until she asked me why I was mad at her. I told her it was because she said I changed and didn’t like my boyfriend. She went on to still believe that my boyfriend might be abusive......he’s told me that he, while drunk with an ex, also drunk, got upset because his dog got loose and to get out of the closet pushed his ex and she fell into a laundry basket. She flipped out and soon after they broke up. Well I fully understand that being in an abusive relationship whether verbally, mentally or physically is WRONG and you should NEVER be in those situations because you DESERVE better. I also understand that when people are in a toxic relationship, if you’re an alcoholic, take drugs for depression or bipolar disorder, are a drug addict or any of those, when you are fighting with them things could get messy. My cousin was dating a crazy chick years ago and they got into a fight and he pushed her down a flight of stairs...... does that make him abusive? Does that mean he’ll do it again?? If he’s in a toxic relationship with someone who’s crazy and needs to get help for things yes, but he’s never done it since and now he’s happily married with two children.

 I understand this and I’m not taking drugs for anything, I don’t have any mental demons haunting me, so my boyfriend and I will NEVER be in that situation! Tiffany doesn’t understand that and it hurts me that she doesn't trust me or even care to get to know my boyfriend (Her cousin) better! She also said that I wouldn’t “Buck up” like his other girlfriends, like I said I wouldn’t be in that situation to begin with to cause that issue. So we’re talking conversantly, but I’m in no way telling her anything personal about my life because she doesn’t care.

Now, she has ‘broken up’ with her boyfriend and is already seeing a new man, while still sleeping in the same bed as her ex. They have a pretty fucked up idea of what breaking up means when you live together. They’re two very nice couches here in the living room that one of them can sleep on! I am glad that she’s taking a stand and not putting up with his bullshit anymore, and that he’ll finally get some help. The funny thing about this whole thing is that Tiffany is telling me all this great stuff about this new man and how he treats her well and blah blah blah...... which is how I felt when I started dating my boyfriend except she didn’t care to hear, because all she wanted to tell me was how she heard these things about him and shit. So clearly it’s all about her and her new man, while her ex and new man don’t know anything about each other. It’s beyond ridiculous and still is so fucked up how we treated each other but how she thought I was mad at her.... how can you forget why we didn’t speak for four months!?! REALLY!!! After I move out, I don’t think I’ll talk to her that much, although she wants to go on a double date with us and her new man, but I’m going to be civil to her at family events and if she ever really wants to talk about what happened then I’m willing to talk.

So I’m looking forward to moving out, having a peaceful and zen new apartment with my boyfriend! I can’t believe we’ve been dating for almost a year! It’s crazy how things have changed with myself and where I am in my life. I love him so much and appreciate all the things he does for me! He may not buy me flowers all the time or take me out to nice restaurants, but when he does show me how much he loves me it’s grand gestures of love. Cute unique ways that I really love and adore that he does. I know that we’re two people looking for someone to love and be with, which happens to be each other. 

My old teacher in High School would always tell me that the man I fall in love with might not be in my home town he might be from out West or Europe! So coming South for school and finding him through my now ‘ex-bestfriend’ is fate! I thought coming to school here would help my professional career, and school would be great... well school ended up being great for the few professors and amazing classes I took, and my career is dwindling down or moving to other states, so I’m glad coming here has given me a great boyfriend and a new direction in which to travel.

So now I feel better because I got down most of what I wanted to say, my improvements and also bumps from Tiffany that still gnaw at me sometimes. I feel like the person I was when we where best friends was the old me, the single, carefree girl who wasn’t in love with a man, or was thinking about my future. I’ve matured so much since dating my boyfriend and I know that we can still be silly goofballs, but I’m not going downtown to meet guys or dance with them. I have a man and we can go out and do adult fun things together! :) 

Change is good for all of us, I know sometimes is hard, I’ve hated change in the past and I probably will in the future; but we have to learn from the change and continue to be someone who you’re happy and proud to be. I’m glad I’m at this point in my life with who I am, part of me wants to live like the women in Sex and the City and dress up and go to swanky bars, but we really don’t have places like that, so I’ll have to wait until I move back home for that! haha. You just have to be with the people who make you happy, who build you up and who REALLY care and love you. I know that I have a small group of people who get me and love me, but I’m happy with who they are.  

LOVE,

V.S <3

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

     Respect, a word that has a lot of meaning and one that I hold very highly. I usually trust people until they show me otherwise, sometimes I didn’t respect people from a young age because they have never shown me respect. Then at the same time that makes me a threat, and I like that at times. I don’t like people who don’t respect themselves, cause I don’t respect them either, I know this can be quite rude but it’s a logical thing to me. 

   I have a girl in my class now and she doesn’t respect anyone, the teacher, her class mates, and she never takes responsibility for what she does. It’s very frustrating because I love the class and I respect the teacher! It’s ignorant people like her that I don’t care about and don’t respect. If you take responsibility for the things you do and say that’s all I care about and would respect you more. 

     I believe Respect has a lot to do with who you’re role models are, thankfully I’ve had role models who are wonderful women to look up to! When I was younger I loved Hilary Duff and Natalie Portman, then it’s evolved into Cheryl Cole, Lea Michele, Pink, Kate Winslet, Reese Witherspoon, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, and maybe a few who have gone under the radar. I still love the women who’ve encouraged me through my youth and have only grown with the women I love and admire. :) I love them all and highly respect women like them who are real women, who stand up for themselves and what they love. 

       As you know I'm not talking to my roommates, I also have lost my respect for the both of them. Unfortunately now I have to live with her inconsiderate, childish self who only likes people who pay attention to her, - that’s because she’s grown up in the pageant world and she’s used to people fawning over her-. Well i’m not putting up with that bull--- anymore! I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 31 we’re to old to be putting up with naive bull--, their negative energy, poor idea of living, since a 'little dust and dirt’ never did anyone harm right?! I don’t want my apt to stink like 10 reptiles, then have dirty floors on top of that. EW NO WAY!

     SO since i’m graduating in a few days, I’ve decided to be the best version of myself, eating healthy, washing my face, keeping my hair healthy, working out, going for walks to clear my mind and go after my dreams. :) I have beautiful role models but the best ones are the ones in my life. My mom, sister, aunts, my beautiful bellydancing ladies. My three girlfriends I had in London who really embraced me and gave me the groundwork on how to be a great friend and who a great friend is. I have my three girlfriends here who I also can be myself with and encourage me to be me. Then there’s my boyfriend who pushes me each day to do great in school and he can’t wait to see me graduate, he loves me for who I am and supports me when I have doubts and bad juju roommates. I have these wonderful women and men to help me go forth into the world and not be afraid of anything! :) I can’t be happier with my life and the beautiful collection of people in it.

Now I'll have more time to finally concentrate on writing with the free time I have! Which is exciting and makes me happy, although I know I have to get a job and continue to push to get my dreams. I respect myself to do what makes me happy and surround myself with positive role models and people who build me up!!!

"Break-ups hurt, but loosing someone who doesn't respect you and appreciate you, is actually a gain, not a loss." 

Do what makes you happy with the people who love and respect you!!

V.S.<3

The Change that was bound to happen...

       Roommates, it’s a hard line to cross. You either meet online and don’t really know the person, are put together in college and try to make something like a friendship work, or you’re best friends. Well as you all know I’m living with my best friend, Tiffany and her boyfriend and I thought it would be great, I mean I hung out with her almost everyday last year and we were such close friends. That all changed when I started dating her cousin, and her boyfriend got intoxicated, causing problems. Then I went home for the holiday’s and didn’t really talk to her that often, I’m back but I’ve been staying at my boyfriends during the weekends. Which has definitely put a strain on our relationship.

           I didn’t even see the "change" or problem, until she pointed it out to me. It’s really hard now, because she said since I’ve been seeing my boyfriend, her cousin, that we haven’t really hung out so she’s leaning on her boyfriend/ ex-boyfriend more. Excuse me but how is that my fault, we both had really busy school/work schedules last semester and it was hard on us and this semester is not any better; but the fact that you are “Broken-up” with your boyfriend means you can do a lot of things Independently!  That’s one thing I’ve learned from being single for the past 10 years of my life and having shitty friends is that you can do a lot of things on your own, and they’re quite nice to do alone. I know at the same time it is horribly lonely, and you wish you had someone to share it with. I just wish she made more  of an effort, she can still text me, she can still ask me to have dinner with her some night. She relies so much on her boyfriend and maybe since we haven’t hung out that I’ve created the monster and she is back to being best friends with her ‘boyfriend’. I really have no clue on how their relationship is, all I need to know is what’s up her ass when it comes to me. I’m finally really freaking happy in my life and she’s tried numerous times to freaking change that and it’s annoying and unfortunate because that’s not what friends do. 

     I’ve loved the TV show The Hills since it’s been out, It’s my guilty pleasure and I love watching it because I’ve actually learned a lot of great love/ life advice. I think it’s great because Lauren Conrad is your beautiful, down to earth heroin while everyone else besides Whitney Port are just there causing problems. I have learned never choose a guy over a terrific job opportunity; like Heidi did with Spencer. I’ve learned to never date a dick-head like Spenser who’s controlling, annoying, a douche bag and a bad guy. I have also should have seen that I should never have moved in with my best friend. Heidi chose Spenser to date, be with, and hastily move in with instead of her girlfriend Lauren because Spenser clouded her mind with hateful things about her. Lauren knew Spenser was a jerk and not a good guy but Heidi believed him and not her. In my situation right now I don’t know who I am, am I Heidi for spending the weekend and maybe a night during the week with my boyfriend? Am I Lauren for trying to help my roommate get out of a bad relationship with her ‘boyfriend’? I feel like at times I am Lauren for trying to help my friend see that her ‘boyfriend’ is a lousy guy, yes they might be ‘best friends’ and never let that go but they’re both not good for each other. Then I feel like Heidi for leaving Lauren all the time and going to hang out with my boyfriend; but Tiffany's  ‘boyfriend’ is always here, it’s not like he goes out and does anything for himself he just stay’s here and is a sad pathetic person. Who is in no way helping his drinking problems because he just bought three bottles of Rum and Vodka.

     It’s hard because we haven’t really had a conversation since I’ve been back from holiday and they have conversations about whatever and take care of their reptiles all the time, that I feel like I’m just there and they’re just being assholes. We had a huge blow out too, when I was annoyed because she had this problem with me, but wouldn't tell me, so I tried to talk about it. Then noticed that when I was in the living room and they would come home, they wouldn't talk to me, they would have a full conversation between themselves, like I wasn't in the same room as them. I texted her to see what was going on, and she didn't get back to me, then she said that I've been busy and didn't seem like we were friends anymore but rather roommates. So I wanted to confront her about it (which I'm not good at sometimes) That Monday when she came home, thankfully alone, I went to talk to her and she said she had not time to talk to me because she was busy packing for spring break, she didn't have time to talk or fix our relationship. So am I suppose to wait until she got back to figure it out? Well again she told me I've changed, and I don't go downtown anymore, blah blah blah. Then we didn't really solve anything, I finished eating, took a break to think things out then when back in. We yelled at each other, and basically the whole problem she has with my is with my boyfriend! It's all his fault and non of hers, she said that he's 'controlling' because she's heard it from her mother. I told her she know's nothing about him, and she should create a grown up relationship with him. But no she can't do that. She's the one in a controlling, abusive relationship and isn't in a healthy supportive, loving relationship like I am. This happened the last week of Feburary. 

       It’s funny because I try to be the bigger person since I’m not talking to my roommates, I decided to take my father’s advice and say hello to my “friend” and I have a few times, except tonight I walked into my apartment and they were both sitting on the couch watching TV and they didn’t say anything to me, and I realized that I always said hi to them first, they’ve never made any attempt to talk to me. So I’m not going to talk with them, the ball is in their court and I really don’t care. I feel bad because we were so close Tiffany and I, but now we’ve said too many things and we both don’t like each other’s boyfriends so it’s not going to work because she’s going to stay in her controlling relationship and I’ll be happy and successful in mine. I don’t have more remorse over us not being friends anymore. The only time’s i’ve been upset was when she hurt my feelings and when she was making me feel bad for not know what her problem was. It hurt me that she had problems and told me except she  it was always like it was my problem, that i’ve changed, it was questioned if my boyfriend was nice to me,  always ‘cautioning’ me to what I’m doing and she probably wanted to control me and keep me into her and not him. 

    They will probably end up staying together because she feels like she needs to ‘fix’ her boyfriend while I don’t feel the need to ‘fix’ my boyfriend at all, just try to help him eat healthier. She’s going to be in the same situation as her brother and sister-in-law because when her boyfriend gets drunk and treats her like shit or goes out and does something stupid she’ll try to help him but it’s only going to painful for her and not him, cause he won’t remember it. Convenient for him not her; or she can be in the relationship longer then realize that she’s so unhappy when it’s too late and they have to get a nasty divorce. I’m not sure what’ll happen and as soon as I move out and continue on with my life, I don’t care. 

    I really have to thank my family, and boyfriend who support me 100% in my decisions of dealing with this huge falling out and it turned to be quite vicious between the three of us, texting and then  allegedly making me think that I did something, when I really didn’t. Now we’re not talking, clearly not at all if I don’t say anything first.  I hate writing about negative things like this but I have to in order for me to forget about it. I’m going to graduate and move forward being the best version of myself.

“Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.” 

Love Always!

Virgin Supergirl

New Year

     As the new year begins I look back at the past year that has changed my life  immensely, in both bad and good ways. I have grown so much in 2013 and I’ve felt that I’ve done a complete renovation of myself, soul and mind. Upon my 25th birthday that just passed I’m looking back on all that’s happened to me and I’m completely happy in who I am as a woman and I’ve had so much clarity in my life. 

     I started 2013 with  loosing my Virginity, and I was so upset and distraught, although I wasn’t depressed and didn’t cry too much about it, it still bothered me. I sought help from my school therapist and tried through music to move on. I hung out with a few guys between that and my Ex, but I wasn’t looking for them. Those  guys weren’t men, they weren’t looking for a serious relationship, just a booty call. Which you know, I don’t want, they were insecure men who didn’t know how to handle me and I really didn’t like them. Then I met my Ex and thought he was pretty cool... his exterior was cool, the way he dressed his “nice” car... it looked all good on paper but not in real life. He was a horrible boyfriend in the way that, he didn’t treat me with respect, he didn’t like me enough and he didn’t treat me like I deserve to be treated, which is like a princess. 

     Now I’m dating a terrific guy, a sexy, sweet, funny guy who really makes me feel beautiful and  treats me like a Princess. There’s so many things I love about him and that he does for me it’s hard for me to list them all. One thing he did was since I stayed at school for my birthday he set up a surprise birthday party for me. He blindfolded me, drove to the the place which was a restaurant we’ve never eaten at and invited a few friends and his family. It was a wonderful surprise and I’ve never had one before, he also took the day off from work to spend the day with me, which was beautiful.  He loves me so much and so deep that I can’t believe it; and having someone love me that much makes me happy. I love him too and I show him in small ways, by sending pictures of  what I’m doing, leaving him notes on his bed so when he gets home from work he can read them. I  got him so many gifts to give him for Christmas  that I’m so excited to give them, and they’re creative thoughtful gifts to give someone. I can’t believe I found someone who loves me for me and thinks I’m the best thing to happen in his life. 

     I never thought I would find a guy, that it would happen. I know I’m young  but they’ve been so many mishaps that I was getting worried. I mean after I broke- up with my ex I was kind of looking forward to being single again, but I also was worried about finding a good guy. Going on dates with jerks one after another is annoying and  especially in my town, it’s full of non-committal men. I also haven’t met anyone at my school that’s been amazing or worth pursuing, even as a friend. So when my boyfriend first asked me out, it wasn’t even like I thought twice about it, we talked all the time and it felt right and it was a very smooth transition between my ex and him. I  really think it was because I was in a good place with myself and I knew what I didn’t want from my next boyfriend. Then he came in and looks like a bad guy, with a shaved head and tattoos, but he’s the sweetest biggest teddy bear in the world. I realized this by his smile and laugh, he jokes around a lot and is very silly, I just needed to get to know him better, other then his tough exterior.  

       I also have been really healthy, and have a loving family that supports me and wants me to succeed, along with some wonderful friends and professors who look out for me. My professors have all shown me that I am creative, smart, funny and I have a lot to offer to the world and the people in my life. This encouragement is wonderful to have especially in your twenties and when you’re brain is all over with what you’re parents want you to do, what you want to do, what your friends want you to do. It’s all a huge confusion and you can get overwhelmed. Which I did and I sought help from my therapist and my one professor who’s now my mentor. He’s such a brilliant man and encourages me to keep writing and exploring new things that make me happy. I am motivated to do them and enjoy my life to the fullest. 

     So in 2014 I’m not going to set any goals or resolutions... I never do anyway, but I really want to just enjoy life in the moment with my boyfriend, friends, family and in my classes. I do want to figure out I’m going to do after I graduate but I don’t want to stress about it. I have some options in mind but I don’t want to say I’m going to do something then never fill it. I also want this wonderful blog to grow and encourage other girls to believe in themselves and love themselves. I love writing and even though I don’t do it all the time, or finish some books I’m writing I still love getting that feeling or encouragement to write and It feels great to have that outlet. 

      I hope to the lades reading this that you are feeling better in who  you are as a woman and that through my struggles, life experiences and  great moments you can embrace who you are and go on each day not giving a crap about anyone but yourself. I want you to know that through all that’s happened in this past year I’ve grown tremendously and have seen that my life and the people in it make me happy and I’m much stronger and smarter then I thought I was. I look forward to the future with hope, love and a “Bring it on” mentality. I know I can do anything I just have to go out and grab it. 

  XOXO 

Love Always,

     Virgin Supergirl.

Hello, Ladies 

     I have to tell you I’ve dropped 160 pounds and I feel pretty good. It did take time and I really had to think about it but I had to do what made me happy instead of what was ‘convenient’. Actually I broke up with Ike, It was a hard decision but I realized it was what I really needed above anything. We did have a few good weeks, but towards the end we realized we had less in common and a lot of really important things not in common. We also didn’t spend much time together, I went back home, then he went home and It was hard. 

     The major things I noticed that were a problem was he wasn’t affectionate. He didn’t really kiss me unless he was drunk or wanted sex, we hugged but he wasn’t cuddly or touchy and I want that. I wanted him to show how much he cares about me and how much he needs me. I noticed this crystal clear while we were having sex, it wasn’t about me at all but him and if he got off, not about pleasing me or making me happy. Then afterwards he would check his phone for twenty minutes, which was like a slap in the face. I wanted him to hug me, kiss me, make me enjoy sex instead of it just being when he wanted sex. That really got me upset was when I realized that he didn’t put in effort to make me happy and he was so disconnected from our ‘special’ time.

     Another thing I realized was his deep love for his car. He always talked about how much money and improvements he’s putting on his car. Don’t get me wrong, I do love cars and a man with a nice car is great but don’t brag about it or tell me how much parts are or how much you want to put in it. He was spending more money on his car then me, he thought more about his car then me; he told me that he would be upset if we broke up but it would mean he’d get to put more money in his car. I was also upset when I figured this out. I have to be number one in his book... if there is something that’s number one like his daughter or having a son. I’d be fine with being number two, except his car was two and I was three. 

        We also had a major difference with our political views and racial views, we didn’t agree on anything really and he couldn’t think outside of the box like I do which was frustrating. It was his way or the highway, I felt like what I believed he wouldn’t take seriously or even consider. 

     The only reason I stayed with him was because  I liked the security, I liked having a boyfriend and I felt that we really did have something nice in the beginning but towards the end he didn’t seem excited to see me, he didn’t kiss me hello and if he did it was very tight lipped. We also didn’t hold hands, he didn’t rub my back or do anything cute. 

      I stayed with him for longer then I needed to because of two reasons. The first was because mid July and Aug I wasn’t with him because I went back home, then he went home like a week after I got back. I didn’t want to break up with him over the phone because that’s kind of tacky, I would rather do it in person. The second reason was because I knew in my head that I had to break up with him and I wasn’t happy; I just needed my heart to be fully in it also. Deep down I know I needed to do it but I wasn’t ready and I had to be to be able to move on. My parents didn’t think he was good for me, my best friend didn’t like him and my grandfather didn’t like the way he talked to me. When all those factors are telling you no then sometimes you probably have to listen to them. I didn’t want to at first but I did and in the end I’m a much better person. My girlfriend who’s helped me through the years after I told her all of this she said that I’m “You're Exhibit A of a girl who doesn't let a break-up break her down.” Which I thought It would, I’ve never been in a relationship before so I thought when I broke up with someone I’d be devastated. But I wasn’t and through listening to powerful female singers, Pink, Katy Perry, Girls Aloud and Cheryl Cole I’ve grown more powerful each day.

      The thing that bothers me is that I don’t know if a guy is telling me things because he likes me or if he’s trying to get into my pants.  I like this new guy and he’s definitely interested in me but some part of me still thinks he might be just interested in my for my body and sex. Which I don’t want,  I think I found that out with Ike because he seemed to just want sex. It was all about him and having sex when he wanted it. I know I have to work on that issue but I think If I meet a guy who’s willing to show me that he’s worth it and that he likes me for me then I'll let my guard down......

     

        Well now I know that it’s not all about sex... it’s about being with someone who makes you happy and makes you laugh and makes you feel 100% comfortable with who you are. It’s a couple dates and a few ‘hang outs’ later with this new man and we had sex, it was not planned but felt amazing. It was great, what is really amazing is that we don’t have to have sex to be together, like I thought. We’ve hung out a couple times since then and we plan on more and it’s really sweet. We’re fine with making out and hugging and yes I do want to have sex with him more and a little slower but its not really about that. 

     He’s shown me ever since the very beginning that he’s a great match for me. He texts me all the time, makes me smile at ALL the texts, we’ve hung out as much as we can in the past three weeks and it just feels right. He’ll stop by during work, we’ve already made each other dinner, we went to a movie, we went paddle boating, it’s just very sweet. Something I’m not used to but it’s what I want, deserve and need. He takes the time out to spend it with me, and that really shows me how much he cares. I like that he calls me gorgeous, babe, sexy, tells me he wants to kiss me and hug me. It’s not sexual really but we’re just getting to know each other. I really am so amazed each time we hang out because I don’t want him to leave and I am so happy that we’re together. It feels right and it feels good. He’s a man where Ike was a boy, and there is such a difference. The only times I’ve thought of Ike is to compare him to how great this new man is and it’s rather funny.

     I can’t believe how this happened because this new man was very unexpected. I’ve known him for a while but we just never talked that much or seen each other but after I broke up with Ike we just started talking and we exchanged numbers and talked all week. It’s like when people tell you it comes out of nowhere, that actually happened to me and it’s perfect. Usually i’m afraid or I doubt myself whether he doesn’t like me or something he does but I don’t have that. It’s a totally other feeling I get with him and I’m just going with it and letting my feelings lead the way rather than my rational brain. It’s simply amazing. Not to mention my best friend in the whole wide world approves and is sooooo happy for me!! 

High School

 High School, We've all been there, will be going there or are still attending. High School is full of dances, parties, friends, sports, clubs, drama, love and the struggles of every day life. 
    High School for me was fun at first 9th grade was a blast until one of  my best friends left to go to Florida, but we still wrote letters all the time until a couple of years ago. I didn't feel the pressure of being in a new school and thought I was cool because my sister was only 2 grades above me. As I got into 10th and 11th grade things changed and I felt trapped and was falling for boys for all the wrong reasons. I always cared about how I looked in High School, looking cute with my matching outfits and I was always that perfect student who worked hard in school. Though I was never in honors I always had a great relationship with my teachers who were more like mentors.  Through them I was able to open up and express myself in a way I couldn't with my classmates. They were all positive female role models I'm very happy to have had in my life at that time. 
    In 10th grade I fell for this boy Micky who was a surfer, totally cute and or course a big jerk who didn't pay any mind to me. But I thought he liked me and would give him my best 'come hither' look but it never worked. I actually don't think he really dated anyone in High School, at least nothing serious just some hook-ups. I joined some clubs and kept the same friends I had in Elementary school who were all quite boring and I didn't go to my first H.S. party til 11th grade. I always wanted my H.S life to be glamorous, like when Lola did in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen by:Dylan Sheldon always exaggerating and trying to make her life seem more interesting. <Read the book, it's way better, I did in H.S. because the movie was coming out> I never quite felt cool enough though, pretty enough. I'm short with small boobs, glasses and I felt nerdy and I remember wishing that Micky would get a clue and like me, I felt like we were so close yet so far away. 
     Well In 11th grade things got a little better but still awkward, I now fell head over heels in love with  Lee, Micky's best friend and another surfer. I obviously was in the mood for tall blonde brooding types. Well I had a class with Lee and we didn't really talk except sometimes in passing but I started going up to him at his locker between classes and talk to him. Which was a big deal for me because I was super shy back then. We were cool for a few weeks and I thought he could like me because he would look at me a lot in class and in the hallways. One day during my gym class this other jerk kid Adam asked if I liked Lee, I said something stupid and trying to be coy with a little smile said yes. Well he blabbed it in front of the gym class, then ran and told Lee; who then decided to completely ignore me. It was horribly embarrassing and on top of that he started dating this blond haired big boobed slut named Christy. By this time my sister was in her first year of college and I only had my semi- close friends and my one closer best friend. But to get over this I joined my schools Bowling team and met lots of cute boys, most of them jerks and made new friends who were cooler than my original ones. I got over Lee but it took me until the next year to fully realize what I jerk he was.
        Senior Year was great because I didn't give a shit about anything. I didn't care about my friends, didn't care about how I looked because I finally got into my own skin as much as someone can in H.S and I felt so Independent.  I was able to go out for lunch so I went out with my new Bowling friends, I excelled in my classes and getting ready for college was exciting and scary at the same time. I became friends with new girls in my classes not like my boring friends since Elementary school, I also stopped talking to those Elementary school friends because I realized I didn't like them and I cut them from my life. <What I was talking about in my last post>  They didn't do anything for me and I realized I could stop faking being nice to them and just do my own thing. I became more independent, going to movies by myself, going on walks alone and to the mall, which is amazing. But I was becoming my own person and it was great, except Prom was coming up.  Lee was totally out of the picture, after taking a break from Christy they both ended up cheating on the other with some other hot person at our school and I didn't want to get with that after. One of my teachers was trying to hook me up with some other guy John but he ended up 'dumping' me for some other girl who I didn't care for. So I thought screw it, I'll go to Prom alone and have a great time. I was also having drama with my old friends with Limo's and ended up in a limo with two couples I haven't talked to in years and 2 more single girl friends that I'd known since Elementary School. 
   As soon as I got to Prom, in my beautiful Prom dress by the way, I talked with a few friends, took pictures but as soon as the music started, girls, I never left the dance floor, I also didn't dance with anyone and It was alright. I think when the slow songs came on I went to the bathroom. It was great seeing all my friends and just having a great time enjoying the last few days of High School. After Prom was another story, we went to a comedy club in the city and it was a bust, the comedians talked all about Prom, and other not funny jokes. We stayed up all night and then I went home and slept for the next few days. 
     After High School ended and I went to Community College and now to my University, I don't talk to anyone from school, except maybe like two/ three close people. I'm friends with a lot of people on Facebook but it's not like we're best friends. This past Semester I read this book Elizabeth and Hazel: Two Women of Little Rock by David Margolick; if you get a chance pick up this amazing and shocking biography about the two women in Little Rock during the 1957 Intergration, Hazel is the tormentor and Elizabeth is the victim. Through their lives both women deal with the repercussions of what happened that day. Elizabeth isn't able to get out of that rut and depression that happened to her in High School while Hazel tries numerous times to make amends and get past High School. I realized now, after 6 years out of High School that it isn't everything. Who you are in H.S. isn't who you'll always be, it doesn't make you who you are forever. Yes you do go through it during the most awkward and hard times of you're young adult life but that doesn't mean  if you're a nerd, that you'll always be one. Or like me you can embrace you're dorkyness and find people who are just as  crazy and weird as you are! Elizabeth couldn't find a way to change so she was always stuck in the past, Hazel tried to shed her prejudiced views and she changed drastically since she graduated. 
     I've seen this so many times on Facebook, how much people change, some for the better others not so much. Some have kids and get married, some are firefighters in their small hometown, others join the military. We go to school all over and others stay at home still partying like it's still High School. I know I've changed SO MUCH since H.S and I'm glad I have because I am a better person and I know what I stand for. 
    I was bullied in H.S. and Middle School and parts of Elementary School because of the way I looked, my eyes were so big like a bug, I couldn't say R's and I had glasses. I got sick in 3rd grade causing me to be out of school for six months which made me feel like an outsider when I got back. As I got older I didn't like when boys would mess with me so I would kick them to get them to stop, I was kinda violent back then. Then as I got older the boys would pick on me because of my booty, saying it's so big, throwing pieces of paper at me, almost making me cry but I never did. I now realize that I have a great body, though I'm small I am in proportion with my body. I hated H.S just like everyone else, some days I wanted to shave my head and just screw it or stay home and not do anything on the weekends but  just because people are bullying you  it's not how it's always going to be. Life is so much bigger and better than that. One kid who I knew in H.S who was picked on because of the way he looked actually graduated and moved to Washington State. Becoming a Hippy and getting married having a baby, which is great because he became who he's meant to be and he's happy. I admire that in him and in the end that's what you're probably suppose to do. Is find the good in things and people, find the good in yourself and try to encourage the people around you to embrace what makes them who they are also.
    Even though I don't have a lot of close friends like some girls did in H.S or have an amazing boyfriend like I wanted I had the best experience I could with what was given to me. I had great encouraging teachers, a few great friends that made going to lunch a SWAT Team challenge and the support of my Bowling team and the new girls in my classes that made it great. 
   I want you ALL to really listen to this because you might be bullied and hate High School but you have to realize what happens in H.S. isn't going to be who you are for the rest of your life. H.S. isn't everything and  I want you all to stay positive and above all LOVE YOURSELF! Be who you're meant to be and don't let others get you down because they don't understand you, they never will so screw them and do you.


Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

LOVE, Virgin Supergirl <3

At Last....

    So Since my last blog 2 months ago, things have changed drastically for me and in the best way ever! Through the guidance of one of my Professors he helped me realize how amazing, gifted and how much I have inside of me to give to people. He encouraged me to keep doing what I love like writing, creating new ideas, changing the world and just be the unique person I am. It was the best feeling being able to talk to him and tell him exactly what is on my mind about certain topics, we have a lot of similar views also. I also had a great semester at school and I realized how much I can change things because I have the ideas to do that and having some support only pushes me further.
     With this realization or Epiphany I've embraced my quirky, silly, nerdy self  and decided to cut the boys in my life who weren't giving me what I needed. I had been talking to this one kid and I was nice to him and than he was all about me. I wasn't feeling it after a while because school was so busy and he was mad I wasn't talking to him all the time. Than during the Easter Holiday he got mad again that I wouldn't talk to him because I was spending time with my family. After a few weeks of not talking than him accusing me of things and pressuring me to set up a time to hang out, which I also didn't have I told him this isn't working out; for the second time. I didn't need to deal with this kid who was making me feel bad, texting me all the time when I really had no feelings for him and him being a punk. I cut some other boys out who were just bad energy and  I didn't need that to move forward in my life in a positive way.  So erase them from your phone and Facebook because you don't need them.
   :: Sometimes I feel bad for brutally cutting people out of my life, because I'm such a nice person. In the end it's what is best for me and I realize that these boys aren't doing anything for me, or I'm just not attracted to them as I thought. So if you have any of these boys who are just stringing you along, making you feel bad or not giving you what you want from a relationship ex/ they don't want anything serious, drop them. You will find other men who want you for you!!::
    So after I did that, I was free and loving life, not really knowing where the next road would take me except one night I went out and I met a man, Ike. I noticed him across the floor of the bar/club, but I didn't know he was checking me out also! I went outside with my girlfriends and he came out also with his buddy and we just started talking. We automatically had a few things in common and he's from California which I love because It's such a cool place. The fact that he's not from where I'm going to school now, south of the Mason Dixon line was a turn on also. We then ended up going to another club and dancing the rest of the night until I had to go. We of course exchanged numbers and we hung out the rest of the weekend, meeting up the next night to go dancing than an impromptu dinner and dessert Sunday. The funny thing that happened on Sunday was that he kissed me while we're walking around and he had happened to have had Peanuts earlier in the day; and I'm allergic. So thankfully I only had a mild reaction but he took me to the hospital with his buddy who drove us. Ike came with me and was very supportive and understanding and deeply sorry. While we were waiting for the Doctors to give me some medicine he asked me if "I wanted to go steady."  Literally that's what he said and I melted and wanted to kiss him right their but I couldn't so I said yes and we smiled and hugged and than the Doctor came in and told me I was fine to leave.  I was really happy, his friend waited for us the whole time and they drove me back to my apartment. Ike kissed me on the forehead and we hugged and set up a date for the next Friday. Well as it turns out the next day he sent me flowers, we texted the whole week and when he came on Friday bought me another arrangement of flowers. He also rented a car to come see me because he's getting his car shipped from California; when a guy does this he's pretty crazy about you! 
       The best thing about this is that I'm not worried about ANYTHING, I don't have doubt, I'm not worried it won't work out, he's not bothering me by texting and we talk every night and text all day, or when he's free. Sometimes the conversation was slow at first but now we're getting to know each other and we have a lot of things in common but on different levels, like our different levels of being nerds. But we also have some things we don't agree on; our political view points, his parents are divorced and mine are still happily married but that's not breaking points for me. 
      Our date on Friday was great and I made it how I've wanted to go on a date like, I told him to take me to a really nice restaurant and we had wine and were all classy because I deserve it! I wanted to make it special because I really like this man and when I do I want it to be like the movies. We then went for a walk around town and it was a really nice night, when It got a little too cool we went back to his car and back to my apartment. We watched  a movie and we ended up having a great night  together. It made me realize that having sex with that other guy didn't even really effect me and I did meet a guy who was so much better than he ever was. It made me happy to not have that pressure or stress because with Ike it felt more meaningful and right. 
     I had to spend the next two weeks back home and so Ike and I got to know each other and that's when we talked on the phone and Skype and I realized that he's genuine and really wants to go out with me. I'm so happy and it's been going on 3 long weeks of not seeing him but I'll see him this weekend which will be long because of the holiday, and I'm looking forward to seeing him again. I know this is good because it feels right and I'm not worried about where it will go. We're planning on going on some weekend trips together and I feel like that's a big thing, I don't want to rush it either and loose myself because of the relationship, but that's a whole other topic. I feel like he's really committed to this relationship and I'm just going along for the ride but I do really like him and since I've never been in a relationship it's all so new to me. When I can't talk to him because one of our phones die or he's busy with work ,I'm upset and I miss him. I feel like we're a good couple because we get each other and we're corny and cheesy together, yes he does have more experience than me and say's 'I'm a goody too shoes' because I am, it's not a bad thing. It's just how we grew up and  it makes us who we are. The fact that he texts me every morning saying 'Good morning beautiful' and tell me I'm amazing all the time; I realize that this is what I've been waiting for. 24 Years later I have a boyfriend and I can't believe it,  it feels simply amazing and I know we'll have fun together.
      I feel incredibly thankful that all these things in my life have  finally  fallen into place and I am in a good place in my life to let another into it and not worry about anything. I'm happy in my skin and I needed to realize that first before I met Ike and I totally believe in fate/ destiny and I think this is one of those instances. I'll keep you posted on what happens but I want you ladies to know that if you feel like it's NEVER going to happen you have  to find yourself first then he'll come and find YOU! I felt like it was NEVER going to happen forever but I found Ike and It's wonderful. Just have some faith and love yourself before anyone else. 

Keep Calm and Soldier on, LOVE AND ROCKETS <3

Yours,

 V. Supergirl