Hello, Ladies
I have to tell you I’ve dropped 160 pounds and I feel pretty good. It did take time and I really had to think about it but I had to do what made me happy instead of what was ‘convenient’. Actually I broke up with Ike, It was a hard decision but I realized it was what I really needed above anything. We did have a few good weeks, but towards the end we realized we had less in common and a lot of really important things not in common. We also didn’t spend much time together, I went back home, then he went home and It was hard.
The major things I noticed that were a problem was he wasn’t affectionate. He didn’t really kiss me unless he was drunk or wanted sex, we hugged but he wasn’t cuddly or touchy and I want that. I wanted him to show how much he cares about me and how much he needs me. I noticed this crystal clear while we were having sex, it wasn’t about me at all but him and if he got off, not about pleasing me or making me happy. Then afterwards he would check his phone for twenty minutes, which was like a slap in the face. I wanted him to hug me, kiss me, make me enjoy sex instead of it just being when he wanted sex. That really got me upset was when I realized that he didn’t put in effort to make me happy and he was so disconnected from our ‘special’ time.
Another thing I realized was his deep love for his car. He always talked about how much money and improvements he’s putting on his car. Don’t get me wrong, I do love cars and a man with a nice car is great but don’t brag about it or tell me how much parts are or how much you want to put in it. He was spending more money on his car then me, he thought more about his car then me; he told me that he would be upset if we broke up but it would mean he’d get to put more money in his car. I was also upset when I figured this out. I have to be number one in his book... if there is something that’s number one like his daughter or having a son. I’d be fine with being number two, except his car was two and I was three.
We also had a major difference with our political views and racial views, we didn’t agree on anything really and he couldn’t think outside of the box like I do which was frustrating. It was his way or the highway, I felt like what I believed he wouldn’t take seriously or even consider.
The only reason I stayed with him was because I liked the security, I liked having a boyfriend and I felt that we really did have something nice in the beginning but towards the end he didn’t seem excited to see me, he didn’t kiss me hello and if he did it was very tight lipped. We also didn’t hold hands, he didn’t rub my back or do anything cute.
I stayed with him for longer then I needed to because of two reasons. The first was because mid July and Aug I wasn’t with him because I went back home, then he went home like a week after I got back. I didn’t want to break up with him over the phone because that’s kind of tacky, I would rather do it in person. The second reason was because I knew in my head that I had to break up with him and I wasn’t happy; I just needed my heart to be fully in it also. Deep down I know I needed to do it but I wasn’t ready and I had to be to be able to move on. My parents didn’t think he was good for me, my best friend didn’t like him and my grandfather didn’t like the way he talked to me. When all those factors are telling you no then sometimes you probably have to listen to them. I didn’t want to at first but I did and in the end I’m a much better person. My girlfriend who’s helped me through the years after I told her all of this she said that I’m “You're Exhibit A of a girl who doesn't let a break-up break her down.” Which I thought It would, I’ve never been in a relationship before so I thought when I broke up with someone I’d be devastated. But I wasn’t and through listening to powerful female singers, Pink, Katy Perry, Girls Aloud and Cheryl Cole I’ve grown more powerful each day.
The thing that bothers me is that I don’t know if a guy is telling me things because he likes me or if he’s trying to get into my pants. I like this new guy and he’s definitely interested in me but some part of me still thinks he might be just interested in my for my body and sex. Which I don’t want, I think I found that out with Ike because he seemed to just want sex. It was all about him and having sex when he wanted it. I know I have to work on that issue but I think If I meet a guy who’s willing to show me that he’s worth it and that he likes me for me then I'll let my guard down......
Well now I know that it’s not all about sex... it’s about being with someone who makes you happy and makes you laugh and makes you feel 100% comfortable with who you are. It’s a couple dates and a few ‘hang outs’ later with this new man and we had sex, it was not planned but felt amazing. It was great, what is really amazing is that we don’t have to have sex to be together, like I thought. We’ve hung out a couple times since then and we plan on more and it’s really sweet. We’re fine with making out and hugging and yes I do want to have sex with him more and a little slower but its not really about that.
He’s shown me ever since the very beginning that he’s a great match for me. He texts me all the time, makes me smile at ALL the texts, we’ve hung out as much as we can in the past three weeks and it just feels right. He’ll stop by during work, we’ve already made each other dinner, we went to a movie, we went paddle boating, it’s just very sweet. Something I’m not used to but it’s what I want, deserve and need. He takes the time out to spend it with me, and that really shows me how much he cares. I like that he calls me gorgeous, babe, sexy, tells me he wants to kiss me and hug me. It’s not sexual really but we’re just getting to know each other. I really am so amazed each time we hang out because I don’t want him to leave and I am so happy that we’re together. It feels right and it feels good. He’s a man where Ike was a boy, and there is such a difference. The only times I’ve thought of Ike is to compare him to how great this new man is and it’s rather funny.
I can’t believe how this happened because this new man was very unexpected. I’ve known him for a while but we just never talked that much or seen each other but after I broke up with Ike we just started talking and we exchanged numbers and talked all week. It’s like when people tell you it comes out of nowhere, that actually happened to me and it’s perfect. Usually i’m afraid or I doubt myself whether he doesn’t like me or something he does but I don’t have that. It’s a totally other feeling I get with him and I’m just going with it and letting my feelings lead the way rather than my rational brain. It’s simply amazing. Not to mention my best friend in the whole wide world approves and is sooooo happy for me!!
